Erektio hieronnassa sexwork espoo

erektio hieronnassa sexwork espoo

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers. Graham Brown - Wine Into Water U should be here — I was http: Naisten kannattaisi yrittää Whiskas-dieettiä. Se nimittäin pitää mirrin kunnossa ja karvan kiiltävänä.

Swift's Cure for Hysteria Brain puzzles and teasers http: The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this? Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had? So, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story. Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her oh no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish setter's butt and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard! Guido the Italian Lover A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he attracted a spectacular young blonde woman.

Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish? This time she thrashed about wildly and screams of passion reverbated. The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish? Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asks again, "You finish? They both agreed that life was good but one woman, Ethel, said she was rather upset because her sex life had really died out since she and her Husband had come to the nursing home. The other woman said that her sex life was great!

When he comes out and sees me like that he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night! Although it's a struggle, she gets one leg up and behind her head. Pretty soon, she has the other leg behind her head as well. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel falls backwards and can't move. It's not too long before her husband comes out of the bathroom. With a shocked look on his face, her husband yells "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you look like an asshole!

U should be here - pick an island - any island and enjoy - have a relax. Is Your Sexual Fantasy Here? Dunno who they asked or how or how many.

An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?

I just never wanted to. The old prospector was hopping a round and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound.

The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun. The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass? But I've always wanted to. Don't mess with old guys. One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm looking for the meanest, roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon.

U should be here. The water is fine. Totally Awesome home theater. This is a pretty cool test, check it out. This test is based on how cool you were in High School--what crowd you ran with, etc. You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed. That's why u shop here, a shop to your hearts content http: Luonteeltasi olet hyvin pikkumainen ja täys jäärä.

Et arvosta ketään, et edes itseäsi. Kärsit paniikkihäiriöistä ja punastut helposti. Olet myös erittäin epähygieeninen ja haiset pahalle! Omistat hyvin pienet aivot. Et ymmärrä mistään mitään! Sinulla ei ole ystäviä Luonne kuvauksesta sen verran, että sinulla ei ole luonnetta!

Olet tyhjäpää vailla tulevaisuutta! Tärkeintä elämässäsi on TV ja naapurien vakoilu. Laiminlyöt jatkuvasti hampaiden hoitoa ja sen kyllä huomaa! Ravusta huomaa mitä tarkoittaa oppimishäiriö Kun ei hiffaa niin ei hiffaa! Uhkapeluri, joka ei koskaan voita. Pälättäja joka ei ymmärrä pitää naamaa kiinni, tai sitten ei puhu eikä pukahda. Et omaa minkäänlaista hermojen hallintaa. Yleensä hipit ovat neitsyitä. Pitkätukka joka painii pahojen henkisten ongelmien kanssa. Hyvin sairas ihminen, joka ei ole tervettä päivää nähnyt.

Elää elämästään yli puolet lääkärin vastaanotolla. Sairastaa tauteja joita edes lääketiede ei tunne! Vain meedio voi auttaa sinua! Salaa tiiraileva itsetunnoton vesipää. Elämäsi on köyhää ja jopa vanhempasi vihaavat sinua! Tykkäät katsoa Suomalaisia saippuaoopperoita. Urheilusta et tajua mitään! Et kestä vastoinkäymisiä ja herne menee nenään pienistäkin asioista!

Kärsit alenmuudentunteesta ja kavereiden mielestä olet apina. Elät koko elämäsi suosittellaan yksin! Mene hyvä ihminen ja katso peiliin. Ammatiltasi olet todennäköisesti lappuliisa tai vartija!

Roskaruokaa syövä surkea luuseri. Suuri osa rituaalimurhaajista ja saatanan palvojista on vesimiehiä. Kulkee aina mustissa ja naama on kuin Rapalan mainos! Lävistyksiä täynnä ja vartalossa typeriä tatuointeja. Luulet tietäväsi kaikesta kaiken, vaikka et osaa edes yksinkertaista kertolaskua. Aina esille pyrkivä typerä hölö! Sanotaan, että poliiseissa ja armeijan kantahenkilökunnassa on paljon kalat-merkkisiä minimunia ja sössöttäjiä.

Lontoossa pidetyn Ison Britannian olutfestivaalin jälkeen kaikkien panimoiden pääjohtajat päättivät mennä ulos oluelle. Coronan pääjohtaja istui tiskin ääreen ja sanoi, "Hei Senor, saisinko maailman parasta olutta Coronaa? Coorsin pääjohtaja sanoi, "Haluan ainoastaan Kalliovuorten kevätvedestä valmistettua olutta, anna minulle Coorsia.

Sinebrykoffin tehtaanjohtaja Lauri Multanen istui tuolilleen ja sanoi: Muiden panimoiden johtajat katsoivat häneen ja kysyivät "Miksi sinä et juo Koffia?

The Chinese Samorost Game http: Click "map" then "game" to start. Learn To Speak Dog http: Dog - How much? Telegram man - 10 dollars Dog - ok take this down. Dog - Don't be an idiot, then it would make so sense at all!

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says, "Sir, did you call for me? It's a rule that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me.

Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The huge man says, "Sir, did you call for me? Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays.

He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, 'Case dismissed!

The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah Just when might that holiday be, your Honor? Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!! Abandoned Siberian Mine http: U need something to warm your tootsies. U need something to hug! Turn up sound and watch - clever.

How many laws U gonna break? Just plug in your birthday and find out all sorts of morbid facts Keep Safe Eric Clapton lyrics.

Joke Of The Day This guy comes back home from work to find his wife has left him a note "Off to the grocery store". He hasn't been getting any from her, so he decides this is his chance and goes to the video store to rent a porn flick. He puts the video in, and starts masturbating. He's about to climax when all of a sudden his wife comes in, drops her grocery bags, runs over and gives him the blowjob of his life. Then she collects all the bags and goes to the kitchen. The guy is sitting there, stunned, amazed at what just happened.

After a couple of minutes he regroups and goes to the kitchen where he finds his wife chopping tomatoes. To which his wife replied: I would rather go brush my teeth than to have to clean the floor again.

Olet varmaan joskus pohtinut, mitä globalisaatio oikein on? Millä sen lyhyesti määrittelisi? Englantilainen prinsessa kolaroi egyptiläisen poikaystävänsä kanssa, jonka isällä on suomalainen vaimo, ranskalaisessa tunnelissa hollantilaisella moottorilla varustetulla saksalaisella autolla, jota ajoi belgialainen kuski, joka oli humalassa juotuaan skotlantilaista viskiä perässään japanilaisella moottoripyörällä ajava italialainen paparazzi, joka oli lääkityksen alaisena otettuaan amerikkalaisen lääkärin määräämää brasilialaista lääkettä.

Joku sai tämän mailin yhdeltä kanadalaiselta käyttäen Bill Gatesin teknologiaa. Sinä luultavasti luet tätä tietokoneeltasi, jossa on taiwanilaiset mikrosirut ja korealainen näyttö. Sen ovat koonneet bangladeshilaiset työntekijät singaporelaisessa tehtaassa, josta sen kuljetus on uskottu intialaisille kuorma-autonkuljettajille, mutta lastin ovat kaapanneet indonesialaiset, jotka ovat vieneet sen purettavaksi sisilialaiseen satamaan ja sitä kautta meksikolaisten laittomien siirtolaisten kuljettamana se on päätynyt läntisille markkinoille, sinunkin työpöydällesi Tämä, ystäväni, on globalisaatio.

Strange things in Google maps. You should be in front of your computer instead. Because I'm a Man Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start.

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem. Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread.

I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator. Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask!

Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going? Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask. Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to.

Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too. Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. Because I'm a man, I think what you're! I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without itlooks fine. Your hair is fine. Can we just go now? Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year , I will share equally in the housework.

You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. U should not be here http: Turn up sound and change to English. Warning - not for the squeamish. Put in your first and last name and find out how many of you there are. Why do women have breasts? So men will talk to them. What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?

A women who won't do what she's told. What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you told her twice. Why are women are like computers? Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory, only to turn up later. How many men does it take to open a beer? It should be opened when she brings it. Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink. What do you do if your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen. Get A shorter chain.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. Why don't women have umbrellas?

Because it doesn't rain in between the kitchen and the bedroom. An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull? What is a golden retriever? Why were shopping carts invented? To teach women to walk on their hind legs! How are women and tornadoes alike? They make a lot of noise when they are coming and take the house when they leave.

What's the best thing about a blow job? Ten minutes of silence. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? Call her and tell her. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she's given her last blow job. What do you call a woman paralyzed from the waist down? What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?

Why doesn't a man report his credit card has been stolen? The thief was spending less then his wife. What doeswhat put behind her ears to attract men? What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Why can't you trust woman? How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?

Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes. Why did God invent yeast infections? So that women too would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt! How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Why did the inexperienced man make such a lousy lover? He kept waiting for the swelling to go down. What do you call a man who expects to have sex onthe second date?

What is a man's view of safe sex? Why do men have holes in their penis? So they can get oxygen to their brains. Why do men have legs? So their brains don't drag on the ground.

How do you know if a man is sexually active? What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get the remote. Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn Q: What is gross stupidity?

What's the best way to kill a man? Put a pretty woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one. Why do men like relationships? It's a way to keep masturbation from getting boring.

Besides his dog, what is a man's best friend? Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common? Men usually miss all three. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know; it has never happened. How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice. Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?

To knock the penises off the smart ones. What are three words you dread the most while making love? What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? What do you call a virgin on a waterbed.????? What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for? It's Braille for "suck here".

What did the sign on the door of the whore house say? Beat IT - we're closed. What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony? She is the one who can eat the last donut!

Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? They don't have balls to scratch. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest tits? The blonde, because she's What's the difference betwwen a blonde and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking when you slap it. What is the definition of confusion? Twenty blonde lesbians in a fish market. What does a year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't?

What's the difference between anxiety and panic? Anxiety is the first time a man can't get it up the second time, panic is the second time he can't get it up the first time. How do you tell that you have a high sperm count A: Your date has to chew before she swallows Q: What is the politically correct name for Lesbian A: How is a penis like fishing?

The small ones you throw back, the medium ones you eat, and the larger ones you mount. What is the difference between medium and rare? What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half-hour of begging. What's the difference between love and herpes? Love doesn't last forever. Who's the world's greatest athlete?

The guy who finishes first and last in a masturbation contest. A red headed Bitch with a yeast infection. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? Cowboy hats are for assholes. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? Getting fingered by Captain Hook. Why don't pygmies wear tampons? They keep stepping on the strings. How do you know when a female bartender is mad at you? Their's a string hanging out of your bloody marry. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.

Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid? That guy at the end of the bar is Polish and that old couple in that booth are Polish too. This is a Polish bar for Christ's sake.

I won't tell it. A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country , giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education! Little Johnny Joke One day little johnny was in class when his teacher announced every Friday she would ask a question and whom ever answered it correctly wouldn't have to come to school on Monday.

The first Friday came along, and she asked "How many gallons of water is there in the world? So little johnny decided to wait until next Friday, so he could get it right. The second Friday came along, and the teacher asked, how many grains of sand is there in the whole world?

Johnny was getting angry, because he really didn't want to go to school on Monday. So when the third Friday came along johnny decided to paint two ping-pong balls black and put them in a paper bag. Right before the teacher asked the question, he opened his bag and rolled the ping-pong balls at her feet. The teacher exclaimed, "OK who's the comedian with the black balls? Weird shit - vidz amd mp3s http: U should be here, but only if U are very quiet and stll.

Cow Boy Sex Two cowboys were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, "Boy, these feel just like your sister's. I can see her face, I even can touch her tits! I can watch in her eyes, whisper in her ears, kiss her neck and so on" "The best for me ist from behind!

Yesterday evening I watched soccer in TV and even the late news! A Scotsman walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them. Are you gonna bite them or not? The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that, it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve thepressure is to remove the testicles. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. He walked down the street; he realized that he felt like a different person.

He could make a new beginning, and live a new life. He saw amen's clothing store and thought , "That's what I need Joe tried on the suit. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt? He walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear? A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.

Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight was depressing her. In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help.. And at that very moment, her ears fell off Eräänä päivänä johtaja meni taas sihteerin luokse ja ehdotti, että kirjoitettaisiin kirje Anderssonille.

Sihteeri vastasi, että nyt ei valitettavasti ole sopiva hetki, koska kirjoituskoneessa on punainen nauha. Johtaja lähti harmistuneena pois. Muutamaa päivää myöhemmin sihteeri ilmoitti johtajalle, että kirjoituskoneessa ei ole enää punaista nauhaa, joten ajankohta sopii kirjeen kirjoittamiseksi Anderssonille. Johtaja ilmoitti, että hän kirjoitti jo kirjeen käsin. Sihteeri harmitteli tapahtunutta ja sanoi, että jos olisi tiennyt asian olevan kiireellinen, se olisi voitu hoitaa suullisesti.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, 'I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips. The sky is falling http: It's uncategorized so there's no telling just what's in there. Some erotica, some posters, some comics. It's what it says - a trashpile. Sound up and explore the site.

The New Incredible Hulk Trailer http: Joke - In honor of Governor Spitzer Hotel Call I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.

I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, and long graceful legs all the way up to her rear end. You know the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call. God, she sounded sexy. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex.

I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound? Patrick's Day stuff http: The water is fine, but I will probably need some help! U should be here to make it perfectly clear http: You're A Texan If A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

Stores don't have bags, they have sacks. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals. You measure distance in minutes. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit You know cow-pies are not made of beef. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol; a Ford F 4x4 is.

You know everything goes better with Ranch dressin'. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply. You actually understand this and you are "fixin' to" send it to your friends. A million thank yous. Picks and videos http: U should be here instead of I didn't used to have a sweet tooth until now!! Lots here of a particular bent. Performed by Chinese contortionists.

Meet Dave Release July http: As they start their descent, Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. You told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer!?! When she answered the door, I said to her, you must be Cooter's widow. Picture Joke - cave man wisdom http: JPG A man brings his dog to the vet The vet picks up the dog and looks him over. Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love.

One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.

Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only Where will you two live? It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine" By this time Mr.

Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own? Smith doesn't think the little shit is adorable anymore.

Unfortunately the baby, was born without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Johnny looked in the crib he said," What a beautiful baby. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.

I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight. At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.

Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt. The teacher said, "Very good Molly. The teacher said, "Very good Sally.

The teacher had been stung with Johnny's remarks before and was very reluctant to let him speak. Unfortunately he was the only other child in the class with his hand up. So the teacher thought she better give him a chance. He said, "Teacher my dad was sitting in the lawn chair with his friend drinking beer. My mom was cutting the lawn.

Dad said to his friend "It's going to take that contagious to cut the lawn. Johnny was expelled the next day. Johnny raises his hand and says. The neighbors' Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went 'fffff! Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your feet. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil. After one day, these were the results: The first worm in alcohol dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke dead. The third worm in sperm dead. The fourth worm in soil alive. So the science teacher asked the class "What can you learn from this experiment. Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!

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Siitä sitten teimme päivän reissuja molempiin suuntiin. Pohjois-Goa ei yleisesti ottaen vakuuttanut; Candolim, Calangute jne. No, tauti ei onneksi ollut tällä kertaa niin paha kuin mitä koin esim. Oli jännä huomata, miten vähän länsimaalaisia Panjimissa oli, ja miten kansoitettuja Pohjois-Goan rantakohteet sen sijaan olivat. Älä mene alemmas ennenkuin olet piirtänyt possun kokonaan! OK , Kuka unohti piirtää saparon???? Ei ei, mahdotonta tehdä testi uudelleen Lähetä tämä sähköpostilla 11 henkilölle ja näet ruudullasi hauskan videon.

En voi kertoa mikä se on ,mutta voin sanoa, että saat hyvät naurut P. Kenen vanne puristaa päätä, kuka on joukon sähläri?? Ohjelman nimi on heikoin lenkki! Alla on 4 kysymystä. Älä käytä kynää äläkä paperia!! Osallistut juoksukilpailuun ja ohitat toisena juoksevan henkilön. Jos vastasit´että olet ensimmäisenä, olet tyystin väärässä! Jos ohitat toisena juoksevan henkilön, olet vasta toisena!! Kun vastaat toiseen kysymykseen, älä käytä niin paljon aikaa kuin ensimmäiseen.

Tiedät itsekin että kesti liian kauan Toinen kysymys: Jos ohitat viimeisenä juoksevan, monesko olet? Jos vastasit toiseksi viimeisenä, olet jälleen väärässä. ÄLÄ käytä paperia ja kynää tai laskinta.

Ota ja lisää siihen. Lisää sitten toinen Oikea vastaus on kyllä Tänään ei ole sinun päiväsi. Ehkä viimeinen menee oikein. Marin isällä on viisi tytärtä: Nana, Nene, Nini, Nono..

Mikä on viidennen nimi? Laita eteenpäin ihmiselle joka kestää pientä herjaa mutta haluaa haasteita Feeling stressed at work? Then smash a desk of your choice. U gonna take the pledge? Näin se menee Kuulet aina "säännöistä" naisten kannalta! Tässä ovat nyt säännöt miesten kannalta! Nämä ovat meidän sääntömme! Huomaa, että ne on kaikki numeroitu 1: Opettele toimimaan vessan istuinrenkaan kanssa. Olet jo iso tyttö. Jos se on ylhäällä, laske se alas. Me tarvitsemme sitä ylhäällä, sinä alhaalla.

Et kuule meidän valittavan, että olet jättänyt sen alas. Se on kuin täysikuu tai vuorovesi. Shoppailu EI ole urheilua. Ja ei, me emme ikinä tule ajattelemaan niin. Hienovaraiset vihjeet eivät toimi! Voimakkaat vihjeet eivät toimi! Ilmiselvät vihjeet eivät toimi! Kyllä ja Ei, ovat täysin hyväksyttäviä vastauksia lähes kaikkiin kysymyksiin. Tule luoksemme ongelman kanssa, jos haluat apua sen ratkaisemisessa. Sympatiaa varten ovat tyttökaverit. Mikä tahansa, mitä sanoimme puoli vuotta sitten, on kelpaamaton argumentti.

Itse asiassa kaikki kommenttimme mitätöityvät viikossa. Jos et pukeudu kuin Charlien Enkeli, älä odota meidän reagoivan saippuaoopperoiden kavereiden tapaan. Jos olet mielestäsi lihava, niin todennäköisesti olet. Jos jokin, mitä sanoimme, voidaan tulkita kahdella tavalla ja toinen niistä saa sinut surulliseksi tai vihaiseksi, me tarkoitimme sitä toista. Voit pyytää meitä tekemään jotain tai kertoa, miten haluat sen tehtävän.

Jos kerran jo parhaiten tiedät, miten tehdä se, tee se itse. Milloin suinkin mahdollista, sano sanottavasi mainosten aikana. Kristoffer Kolumbus ei tarvinnut ohjeita emmekä mekään tarvitse. Persikka esimerkiksi on hedelmä, ei väri. Kurpitsa on myös hedelmä. Eikä meillä ole aavistustakaan, mikä malvanvärinen on. Jos se kutiaa, sitä rapsutetaan. Jos kysymme, mikä on vialla ja vastaat "ei mikään", me käyttäydymme kuin mikään ei olisi vialla. Me tiedämme sinun valehtelevan, mutta se ei vaimolle ole kaiken sen hässäkän arvoista.

Jos kysyt kysymyksen, johon et halua vastausta, odota vastausta, jota et halua kuulla. Kun menemme jonnekin, ehdottomasti kaikki, mitä päällesi pistät, on hienoa. Älä kysy, mitä ajattelemme, ellet ole valmis keskustelemaan aiheista, kuten jalkapallo, juominen, tai autot ja moottoripyörät. Sinulla on riittävästi vaatteita. Sinulla on liikaa kenkiä.

Kiitos, että luit tämän. Kyllä, tiedän, joudun nukkumaan sohvalla tänä yönä, mutta tiesitkö, etteivät miehet todella piittaa siitä. Se on kuin retkeilyä. Välitä tämä mahdollisimman monelle miehelle - antaaksesi heille naurut. Välitä tämä mahdollisimman monelle naiselle - antaaksesi heille koulutusta. My New Church Key http: Kirurgi totesi tilanteen vaikeaksi ja virkkoi: Onko teitä ennen sattunut? Antaa mennä vaan, on mua ennenki kirpassu, pariki kertaa.

Ensimmäisen kerran ko olin kyykkypaskala pusikosa ja ketunraudat laukes munille ja heti perhän toisen kerran, ko lähin juoksemhan ja ketju loppu kesken. Kokematon nuoripari päätti, että ei yhdyntää ennen avioliittoa. Paineiden lievitykseksi päätettiin kuitenkin että haistaminen on salittua. Poika pääsi nuuhkimaan ja oli paniikissa: Kun he lähestyvät miehen asuntoa, nainen sanoo: Jos hän työntää avaimen suoraan lukkoon ja räväyttää oven auki, hän ei ole hellä rakastaja.

Jos hän joutuu etsimään avaimenreikää, tiedän, ettei hänellä ole homma hanskassa. Miten sinä avaat oven? Nuori nainen soitti ystävälleen ja kertoi olleensa elokuvissa poikaystävänsä kanssa. Mies poikkesi töiden jälkeen kaljalle ja saapui kotiin kello kymmeneltä. Vaimo ei sanonut mitään. Yöllä herätyskello pärähti soimaan kello kolmelta.

Mitkä ovat naisen kaksi tärkeintä reikää? Ne varmistavat hapensaannin suuseksin aikana. Mitä eroa on nuorella ja vanhalla miehellä? Miehen mietteitä Kun olin v ja minulla oli erektio, en voinut taivuttaa vehjettäni edes kahdella kädellä. Täytän ensi viikolla 60 ja pystyn taivuttamaan sen 50 astetta yhdellä kädellä. Ihmettelen tässä vain, kuinka voimakkaaksi mahdan tulla? Jäyhä aviomies vei naisen syömään ravintolaan.

Harvoin ravintolassa käyneenä hän tarkkaili, miten muut pariskunnat käyttäytyivät. Viereisessä pöydässä mies ojensi naiselleen sokeriastian ja sanoi - Sokeria, muruseni? Se kuulosti miehestä hienolta. Toisessa pöydässä mies ojensi daamilleen hunaja-astiaa ja sanoi: Mies oli nyt päässyt jyvälle kohteliaasta käyttäytymisestä. Hän leikkasi palasen pihvistään ja ojensi sitä haarukan nokassa naiselleen sanoen: Mies meni kauppaan kondomeja ostamaan ja huomasi, että niitä löytyy erimakuisina versioina.

Oli omenaa, banaania, mansikkaa.. Mies valitsi muutaman, maksoi ostoksensa ja riensi kotiin. Hän sanoi vaimolleen sängyssä: Mies tulee kotiin ja löytää vaimonsa makaamasta alasti sängystä Sängyn vieressä seisoo tuntematon mies housut alas laskettuina.

Ennen kuin mies ehtii sanoa sanaakaan, vieras sanoo kovalla äänellä: Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver. The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.

When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven! The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. Salvation in a can! The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. Here's how it went: A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers. Graham Brown - Wine Into Water U should be here — I was http: Naisten kannattaisi yrittää Whiskas-dieettiä. Se nimittäin pitää mirrin kunnossa ja karvan kiiltävänä.

Swift's Cure for Hysteria Brain puzzles and teasers http: The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this? Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had? So, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.

Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story. Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her oh no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish setter's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

Guido the Italian Lover A virile, middle aged Italian gentlemen named Guido was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he attracted a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish? This time she thrashed about wildly and screams of passion reverbated.

The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, "You finish? Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets. Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping.

Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asks again, "You finish? They both agreed that life was good but one woman, Ethel, said she was rather upset because her sex life had really died out since she and her Husband had come to the nursing home.

The other woman said that her sex life was great! When he comes out and sees me like that he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night! Although it's a struggle, she gets one leg up and behind her head. Pretty soon, she has the other leg behind her head as well. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel falls backwards and can't move. It's not too long before her husband comes out of the bathroom. With a shocked look on his face, her husband yells "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in, you look like an asshole!

U should be here - pick an island - any island and enjoy - have a relax. Is Your Sexual Fantasy Here? Dunno who they asked or how or how many. An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey.

He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced? I just never wanted to. The old prospector was hopping a round and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound.

The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

The old man asked, "Did you ever kiss a mule square on the ass? But I've always wanted to. Don't mess with old guys. One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town.

He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm looking for the meanest, roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon. U should be here. The water is fine. Totally Awesome home theater. This is a pretty cool test, check it out. This test is based on how cool you were in High School--what crowd you ran with, etc.

You may want to send it to your friends to see if they've changed. That's why u shop here, a shop to your hearts content http: Luonteeltasi olet hyvin pikkumainen ja täys jäärä. Et arvosta ketään, et edes itseäsi.

Kärsit paniikkihäiriöistä ja punastut helposti. Olet myös erittäin epähygieeninen ja haiset pahalle! Omistat hyvin pienet aivot. Et ymmärrä mistään mitään! Sinulla ei ole ystäviä Luonne kuvauksesta sen verran, että sinulla ei ole luonnetta! Olet tyhjäpää vailla tulevaisuutta! Tärkeintä elämässäsi on TV ja naapurien vakoilu. Laiminlyöt jatkuvasti hampaiden hoitoa ja sen kyllä huomaa!

Ravusta huomaa mitä tarkoittaa oppimishäiriö Kun ei hiffaa niin ei hiffaa! Uhkapeluri, joka ei koskaan voita. Pälättäja joka ei ymmärrä pitää naamaa kiinni, tai sitten ei puhu eikä pukahda.

Et omaa minkäänlaista hermojen hallintaa. Yleensä hipit ovat neitsyitä. Pitkätukka joka painii pahojen henkisten ongelmien kanssa.

Hyvin sairas ihminen, joka ei ole tervettä päivää nähnyt. Elää elämästään yli puolet lääkärin vastaanotolla. Sairastaa tauteja joita edes lääketiede ei tunne! Vain meedio voi auttaa sinua! Salaa tiiraileva itsetunnoton vesipää. Elämäsi on köyhää ja jopa vanhempasi vihaavat sinua! Tykkäät katsoa Suomalaisia saippuaoopperoita. Urheilusta et tajua mitään! Et kestä vastoinkäymisiä ja herne menee nenään pienistäkin asioista! Kärsit alenmuudentunteesta ja kavereiden mielestä olet apina. Elät koko elämäsi suosittellaan yksin!

Mene hyvä ihminen ja katso peiliin. Ammatiltasi olet todennäköisesti lappuliisa tai vartija! Roskaruokaa syövä surkea luuseri. Suuri osa rituaalimurhaajista ja saatanan palvojista on vesimiehiä. Kulkee aina mustissa ja naama on kuin Rapalan mainos!

Lävistyksiä täynnä ja vartalossa typeriä tatuointeja. Luulet tietäväsi kaikesta kaiken, vaikka et osaa edes yksinkertaista kertolaskua. Aina esille pyrkivä typerä hölö! Sanotaan, että poliiseissa ja armeijan kantahenkilökunnassa on paljon kalat-merkkisiä minimunia ja sössöttäjiä.

Lontoossa pidetyn Ison Britannian olutfestivaalin jälkeen kaikkien panimoiden pääjohtajat päättivät mennä ulos oluelle. Coronan pääjohtaja istui tiskin ääreen ja sanoi, "Hei Senor, saisinko maailman parasta olutta Coronaa? Coorsin pääjohtaja sanoi, "Haluan ainoastaan Kalliovuorten kevätvedestä valmistettua olutta, anna minulle Coorsia.

Sinebrykoffin tehtaanjohtaja Lauri Multanen istui tuolilleen ja sanoi: Muiden panimoiden johtajat katsoivat häneen ja kysyivät "Miksi sinä et juo Koffia? The Chinese Samorost Game http: Click "map" then "game" to start. Learn To Speak Dog http: Dog - How much?

Telegram man - 10 dollars Dog - ok take this down. Dog - Don't be an idiot, then it would make so sense at all! Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around.

A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says, "Sir, did you call for me? It's a rule that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me.

Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The huge man says, "Sir, did you call for me?

Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist. In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation of Easter and Passover holidays. He decided to contact his lawyer about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.

The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the long passionate presentation by the lawyer, the Judge banged his gavel and declared, 'Case dismissed! The Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah Just when might that holiday be, your Honor? Now have a good day and get out of my courtroom!! Abandoned Siberian Mine http: U need something to warm your tootsies.

U need something to hug! Turn up sound and watch - clever. How many laws U gonna break? Just plug in your birthday and find out all sorts of morbid facts Keep Safe Eric Clapton lyrics. Joke Of The Day This guy comes back home from work to find his wife has left him a note "Off to the grocery store". He hasn't been getting any from her, so he decides this is his chance and goes to the video store to rent a porn flick. He puts the video in, and starts masturbating.

He's about to climax when all of a sudden his wife comes in, drops her grocery bags, runs over and gives him the blowjob of his life. Then she collects all the bags and goes to the kitchen. The guy is sitting there, stunned, amazed at what just happened. After a couple of minutes he regroups and goes to the kitchen where he finds his wife chopping tomatoes.

To which his wife replied: I would rather go brush my teeth than to have to clean the floor again. Olet varmaan joskus pohtinut, mitä globalisaatio oikein on? Millä sen lyhyesti määrittelisi? Englantilainen prinsessa kolaroi egyptiläisen poikaystävänsä kanssa, jonka isällä on suomalainen vaimo, ranskalaisessa tunnelissa hollantilaisella moottorilla varustetulla saksalaisella autolla, jota ajoi belgialainen kuski, joka oli humalassa juotuaan skotlantilaista viskiä perässään japanilaisella moottoripyörällä ajava italialainen paparazzi, joka oli lääkityksen alaisena otettuaan amerikkalaisen lääkärin määräämää brasilialaista lääkettä.

Joku sai tämän mailin yhdeltä kanadalaiselta käyttäen Bill Gatesin teknologiaa. Sinä luultavasti luet tätä tietokoneeltasi, jossa on taiwanilaiset mikrosirut ja korealainen näyttö. Sen ovat koonneet bangladeshilaiset työntekijät singaporelaisessa tehtaassa, josta sen kuljetus on uskottu intialaisille kuorma-autonkuljettajille, mutta lastin ovat kaapanneet indonesialaiset, jotka ovat vieneet sen purettavaksi sisilialaiseen satamaan ja sitä kautta meksikolaisten laittomien siirtolaisten kuljettamana se on päätynyt läntisille markkinoille, sinunkin työpöydällesi Tämä, ystäväni, on globalisaatio.

Strange things in Google maps. You should be in front of your computer instead. Because I'm a Man Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.

If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start. Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism.

If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator. Because I'm a man, I don't think we're all that lost, and no, I don't think we should stop and ask!

Why would you listen to a complete stranger? I mean, how the hell could he know where we're going? Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars, beer, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask. Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to.

Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too. Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't. Because I'm a man, I think what you're! I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too.

Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without itlooks fine. Your hair is fine. Can we just go now? Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year , I will share equally in the housework.

You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. U should not be here http: Turn up sound and change to English. Warning - not for the squeamish. Put in your first and last name and find out how many of you there are. Why do women have breasts? So men will talk to them.

What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig? A women who won't do what she's told. What Do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you told her twice. Why are women are like computers? Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory, only to turn up later. How many men does it take to open a beer? It should be opened when she brings it. Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

What do you do if your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen. Get A shorter chain. How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. Why don't women have umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in between the kitchen and the bedroom. An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done. What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull? What is a golden retriever? Why were shopping carts invented? To teach women to walk on their hind legs!

How are women and tornadoes alike? They make a lot of noise when they are coming and take the house when they leave. What's the best thing about a blow job? Ten minutes of silence. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? Call her and tell her. What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down and use a lubricant. Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle?

She knows she's given her last blow job. What do you call a woman paralyzed from the waist down? What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild? Why doesn't a man report his credit card has been stolen?

The thief was spending less then his wife. What doeswhat put behind her ears to attract men? What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Why can't you trust woman? How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. Why is a pap smear called a pap smear? Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes. Why did God invent yeast infections? So that women too would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt!

How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Why did the inexperienced man make such a lousy lover? He kept waiting for the swelling to go down.

What do you call a man who expects to have sex onthe second date? What is a man's view of safe sex? Why do men have holes in their penis? So they can get oxygen to their brains.

Why do men have legs? So their brains don't drag on the ground. How do you know if a man is sexually active? What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get the remote. Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn Q: What is gross stupidity? What's the best way to kill a man?

Put a pretty woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one. Why do men like relationships? It's a way to keep masturbation from getting boring. Besides his dog, what is a man's best friend? Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common? Men usually miss all three. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know; it has never happened. How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice. Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones. What are three words you dread the most while making love? What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick? What do you call a virgin on a waterbed.?????

What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for? It's Braille for "suck here". What did the sign on the door of the whore house say?

Beat IT - we're closed. What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony? She is the one who can eat the last donut! Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

They don't have balls to scratch. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest tits? The blonde, because she's What's the difference betwwen a blonde and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking when you slap it. What is the definition of confusion?

Twenty blonde lesbians in a fish market. What does a year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't? What's the difference between anxiety and panic?

Anxiety is the first time a man can't get it up the second time, panic is the second time he can't get it up the first time. How do you tell that you have a high sperm count A: Your date has to chew before she swallows Q: What is the politically correct name for Lesbian A: How is a penis like fishing? The small ones you throw back, the medium ones you eat, and the larger ones you mount. What is the difference between medium and rare? What is a man's idea of foreplay?

A half-hour of begging. What's the difference between love and herpes? Love doesn't last forever. Who's the world's greatest athlete? The guy who finishes first and last in a masturbation contest. A red headed Bitch with a yeast infection.

What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats? Cowboy hats are for assholes. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? Getting fingered by Captain Hook. Why don't pygmies wear tampons? They keep stepping on the strings. How do you know when a female bartender is mad at you? Their's a string hanging out of your bloody marry. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women.

Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid? That guy at the end of the bar is Polish and that old couple in that booth are Polish too. This is a Polish bar for Christ's sake. I won't tell it. A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States.

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country , giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education! Little Johnny Joke One day little johnny was in class when his teacher announced every Friday she would ask a question and whom ever answered it correctly wouldn't have to come to school on Monday.

The first Friday came along, and she asked "How many gallons of water is there in the world? So little johnny decided to wait until next Friday, so he could get it right. The second Friday came along, and the teacher asked, how many grains of sand is there in the whole world? Johnny was getting angry, because he really didn't want to go to school on Monday. So when the third Friday came along johnny decided to paint two ping-pong balls black and put them in a paper bag.

Right before the teacher asked the question, he opened his bag and rolled the ping-pong balls at her feet. The teacher exclaimed, "OK who's the comedian with the black balls? Weird shit - vidz amd mp3s http: U should be here, but only if U are very quiet and stll. Cow Boy Sex Two cowboys were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions.

One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, "Boy, these feel just like your sister's.

I can see her face, I even can touch her tits! I can watch in her eyes, whisper in her ears, kiss her neck and so on" "The best for me ist from behind! Yesterday evening I watched soccer in TV and even the late news! A Scotsman walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them.

Are you gonna bite them or not? The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that, it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve thepressure is to remove the testicles. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. He walked down the street; he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning, and live a new life. He saw amen's clothing store and thought , "That's what I need Joe tried on the suit. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?

He walked comfortably around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear? A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache. Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight was depressing her. In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help.. And at that very moment, her ears fell off Eräänä päivänä johtaja meni taas sihteerin luokse ja ehdotti, että kirjoitettaisiin kirje Anderssonille.

Sihteeri vastasi, että nyt ei valitettavasti ole sopiva hetki, koska kirjoituskoneessa on punainen nauha. Johtaja lähti harmistuneena pois. Muutamaa päivää myöhemmin sihteeri ilmoitti johtajalle, että kirjoituskoneessa ei ole enää punaista nauhaa, joten ajankohta sopii kirjeen kirjoittamiseksi Anderssonille.

Johtaja ilmoitti, että hän kirjoitti jo kirjeen käsin. Sihteeri harmitteli tapahtunutta ja sanoi, että jos olisi tiennyt asian olevan kiireellinen, se olisi voitu hoitaa suullisesti.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, 'I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips. The sky is falling http: It's uncategorized so there's no telling just what's in there. Some erotica, some posters, some comics.

It's what it says - a trashpile.

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